Everything Out the Wazoo

OFW's AMAZING line-up!

Just like always, when things start picking up it's like a congested pipeline waiting to burst. It's never a calm, gradual momentum... nothing to prepare for but to take it as it comes.

ONE HORRIFIC WEEK.

Last Monday, I was on my way to Toronto. Excited that there was no snow, and clear roads to go. No, I wasn't there for a shopping splurge... I was there to go for a mandatory meeting (I'll let you know in the coming posts what it was for). Anywho... I noticed quite a few cops on the roads while getting there and should have feared more..taken it as warning. BUT... those little nudges didn't felt at all. APPARENTLY, (who knew.. everyone except me) that there are planes i.e. air traffic that works in collusion with cop cars that fly the clouds and monitor traffic through the air. I had no clue where this cop came from until I saw sirens in my rear view mirror. Never have I experienced such a shameful and shocking day. Be prepared for what happened in literally a few minutes:

1. charged for stunt driving; going 50 over; clocked me at 164 km/hr. (stunt driving faces demerit points, and fines of up to $10,000)

2. license was revoked - suspended for 7 days

3. my car was being towed away - impounded for 7 days; total cost: $1350

4. summoned to court in a month

5. left stranded 3 hours away from ottawa, 1 hour away from toronto

6. creepy/shady tow truck dude comes and happily drops off "us beautiful ladies" to the nearest train station

(If you're looking to evade the cops and continue to driving like you're on the autobahn... I heard about this app: Trapster - locates all cops based off of other app-user reports and notifies you based off your gps/mapping system if they are nearby your location. For now, I look at every speed limit sign with disappointment.)

Funny enough, I did make the volunteer meeting on time. Ended up getting home on the Greyhound at 1am - waiting for the inevitable wrath of my parents. My dad.. I can always count on him to be the most rational rock of the family. He could see how much guilt I was already feeling. My mom on the other ... well I felt even worse for the fact that it was her birthday the next day.

So in the next days after:

Tuesday - the previous day I was so out of it, and at that point I still was. I dropped my phone in the snowbank in front of work. I didn't realize until an hour later - lucky I guess that no one took it, but horrible that it got water damage.

Wednesday - I felt like doing some work and getting my mind off things, so I grabbed my memory card with the charity tournament photos I was going to edit. Lo and behold, memory card could not be recognized... Could it get even worse?!

I broke down and cried at 2am... sitting on my bed in utter moppiness...but don't worry. I woke up the next day... a fighter. What's done is done, and now I just have to figure out how to fix things.

ONE HECTIC/GLAM/PARTY WEEK. - aka. OFW.

I'm glad that I was able to get myself back together in a matter of days because there'd be no way I could keep up with all the things going on this week. When Tuesday hit, everything started rolling. Deadlines coming from every direction. The exec production of OFW (Ottawa Fashion Week) put me on for doing up the event booklet for the shows. He actually left for a week (one week before the event for family reasons)...so there was no one to tell me what to do next. But I knew this was coming up, so I took the initiative to start. But, instructions weren't as clear as they could be, and I basically had to finish the booklet in 5 hours of he called me on top of masters applications and working. Plus, there was like no downtime at work since it's March Break this week and GREAT weather. PLUS, no car... I've realized with a busy schedule, bussing in Ottawa is NOT doable.

Great news though! Turns out there's a launch party TONIGHT @ Lobby - invite only. Ooo how exclusive! And it's gonna be glam partying all NIGHT long for the next 5 days. Here's my next few days' schedule: Launch party/runway/party/runway/party/runaway/charity gala/after party!!! From the creative director's words: "What do I need you to do? Take care of everything and look hot. You better have 5 banging outfits ready." AAHHAH... can't wait! Keep you posted with all the festivities up ahead!

I'm thinking right now that I'm going to stick with a theme for my next 5 days' looks. Look forward to the next posts! :)

A Dedication - Music & Band-Aids

I've actually never made a dedication before. But, tonight, it feels appropriate - partly because the music is too good, and partly because a band-aid just so happened to rip open.

For the music:

If I was ever to play the guitar, this is how I'd want to play it. Not rock, no electric damper, just pure acoustic - melody and beats. The voice of the songs come out in his strumming. It's strange how there's so much soul coming out of his playing, but I'm not even sure if he completely understands the feeling of each song... must eh? There's actually a song I listened to that had a different meaning to me than what he intended... not this one that I'm dedicating, but another one that immediately gave me an overwhelming emotion and image of a touching moment. Everytime I play that song, it plays over like a movie, you know.. those ones where all the edges are blurred but you know exactly what's going on? It's funny how I can have such a sure-fire meaning of the song, and so can he...but they're completely different.

For the band-aid:

We get so caught up with everything that's going on right at this moment and all our future plans. So much, that we can't even hear our own true thoughts/feelings. (We meaning I...) Which is why, on occasion, I like to take walks at night... where it's just me and some neighborhood roads, a little music, and the night sky. It's peaceful, and this time of year you can look at all the holiday lights up. And, people can't even see you do silly things in the middle of the road if you wanted to. Felt like going on some swings I passed by, but skipped out because 1. didn't want to freak randos out that might think I'm some sort of ghost/"the Ring" girl and 2. there's always going to be creepers out at night no matter where you are, so I'd rather be walking and capable of running than up in the air on a swing.

So, writing this blog, I have access to "stats", which tells me where my audience comes from. Sometimes I can pinpoint who's reading, like from Japan and Hong Kong (you know who you are!). And, others not so much, like Canada and the US, Germany? Poland?... but anywho...you catch my drift.

I didn't really expect this to bother me as much now. It's been almost a year, and you still haven't given me an excuse for not saying goodbye. It's been more than 8 years of knowing you, and yet you still have the audacity to do this that I can barely tell who you are anymore. I can't exactly tell if it's you reading, or someone else who lives there... but what the hey, I'll throw it out there. The first time you left halfway across the world, you came back as if nothing ever happened. This time, it seems to be for good. If we were friends before you left, you made us into strangers, possibly enemies?...both not by my choice. If you actually read this, today, I'm saying I forgive; today, I'm saying goodbye. Wherever you are, I dedicate this to you. For the rest of you, just enjoy the artistic peace.

Note: I selected a piece that he did when he was younger. He's EVEN better now, so please take the time to listen to some of his newer songs. You'll be amazed again and again.

PS. Thank you to the friend who introduced me to the music. Life is good with it.

PSS. Promise more fashion updates - for those of you who think.. "what's this girl doing writing this stuff on a fashion blog"?

I Think Best in the Shower

I've always considered this blog as my personal journal - though I do filter out some thoughts just because it's obviously public. But, I guess it's good to, as my friend would say, "unpeel an onion layer", at some point.

Is it possible to feel more lonely in your own home than in a different city? At first, leaving Ottawa was the toughest thing - leaving everyone behind. I cried at home during dinner before I left just thinking about. (I know.. that's a little babyish of me). People would ask me while I was in Toronto what I liked so much about Ottawa, and I would always respond back that it wasn't so much the physical place but the people that are there. But then, sometimes when I was in Toronto walking/subway-ing home at wee hours of the night, I was definitely COMPLETELY on my own without a familiar soul in sight. I knew I was alone, but I didn't feel it. Was it because the city itself filled the space? Was it because I was so tired everyday from work/more work/and household work that it numbed any feeling of it? Or was it the fact that I had an excuse to be alone since I barely knew anyone there?

At this point in time, I know there's something missing. This void that needs to be filled. It bothers me every day. When I have a moment to think, it creeps into this dark abyss. I have a friend, and they are going through the same thing - whether that may be the same kind of space or not. Though I've left it so far as a status quo that eats away at me, they, on the other the hand, have treated their void like I do with my driving - a little over the edge. (Though I do think I simply drive with finesse - quick and efficient..yet safe? haha). Anyways, I do care about them a lot, and I do feel like I partially got them into their mess - this mess that their using to replace what's really bothering them. I've tried my best to make them fess up to what issues they're having, but I find it really hard to push someone to do something unless they've come to the decision themselves.

Ever since I was young, I'd always come up with some of the best ideas when I was taking a shower. I'd also memorize speeches and school work in the shower. I also reveal my deepest feelings to myself in the shower. (I mean .. what better way to cry, when you could just have the water wash it away in another second). I ask for help in the shower. Some people find mountain tops, grass fields, oceansides, and other simplistic landscapes as a way of escaping social stimulants to be able to listen to their truest selves, but somehow, funny how, the shower does it for me. My cousins are Christians, one of my best friends is a strong Christian, and my other relatives are Buddhists. Though I haven't found where I belong in the sense of religion, I do believe there is a spiritual being... if not so much that powers this world, but someone/something to listen to my thoughts and give me strength. That way I don't need to taint my feelings by expelling them with words. I just need to get the message across in the most direct way.

Today, in the shower, I asked not for them to give me strength but to give my friend strength to overcome what's happening to them and to just put all their negative focus into the pleasures of the future. Sure, the future is unknown, but that gives us, for my sake, hope.