Season Finale Part Trois: Mixed Feelings

From the Left:

1. My cubicle buddies (i.e. the two other fashion interns and the beauty intern) - the most epic girl talks went on right here.

2. Nous sommes les fashionistas! I'll definitely will miss our skylight and airiness of the floor - definitely the feeling of what I want my future home to be.

3. Our internship bracelets I bought from CM. Each of us has a different colour. - some added sparkle for the holidays :)

** Mission accomplished - the Creative Director / the Editor that does all the editorial photoshoots finally complimented on something I wore. The pleated shorts - that looks like a skirt that I bought from CM. Everyone was raving over it in the office. :D

Is it the end? My darn heart won't tell me.

These three statements continued to play in my mind these past four months:

1. luck is when preparation meets opportunity - I always think about this. Whenever something spectacular happens, I think of this.

2. you got to have the drive to survive - When things get tough, when I almost can't handle it and want to cry, I think of this.

3. you won't know until you try - Whenever I feel like I doubt my decision to have come here, I've thought of this. I'm stubborn, whether that be good or bad, so I usually stick to what I've committed myself to.

I tried packing things in my two suitcases a few days ahead of my departure. I didn't finish packing up until the end - like 3 am the morning of. I even slept in a suitcase for a little bit, so I could try and compress my clothes and fit more. One of my roommates kept asking me what was wrong a few days before I had to leave. I didn't think anything was really bothering me - but somehow he could tell.

I've always known that I'm a passionate person - in life, love, in everything I do. When I like something, I love it and it's hard to let go. People may see me as a person who lacks focus, and maybe I do... I'm a bit all over the place. But, I see it as discovering who I am through the things I try, and since I try with all my might, I have no doubts to not being a half-ass and not taking things seriously. Why does life make us choose to be one person? Couldn't I be everything at once? Well... this weird feeling has developed in me - a feeling of what's next? I've gotten a taste of what it's like to be in the fashion industry.. and not sure what to do with it. Loving things so hard makes them so much more difficult to let go - I've opened these doors and don't know which ones to close. That's what I find is the real downfall of being passionate.

So living in Toronto for four months, I'm bound to develop a new wardrobe - even if I don't get paid. A fashionista will always find a way to get clothes. Try to imagine hauling 2 large suitcases, each about 80lbs, a 50 lb backpack, and a gift bag that needs to remain upright since there's pastries in it out of the condo, into the metro, out of the metro, and a 7-minute walk to work. I had 4 people help me along the journey. Who wouldn't stop to help a tiny girl, who could literally fit in one of those suitcases. I was carrying twice almost three-times my weight. Boy, I don't think I'll try that again. Don't worry, I took the taxi from work to the train station after.

The talk. I finally had a chance to talk to the editors about my future prospects in the industry. They both were very kind in saying that I was an "intern superstar". They felt that I did extremely well. I mentioned to them that I was interested in doing possibly fashion week organization - scheduling, behind the scenes, and such. And, they could not have thought of a better fit. After requesting tickets for both cities, Paris & New York (interns usually just do one), they could see how meticulous, organized, and persistent I was. I have to say, sitting at the desk and calling people internationally isn't the most glamourous or exciting thing, but possibly working for a PR firm and planning shows and actually seeing the work come alive would give me chills. The editor said I would go far in the industry and suggested I stay in Toronto.

I didn't get a chance to make that many friends beyond those I worked with while I was here. But, with those that I did work with I made some close relationships - they were the ones who I talked to about my troubles and their troubles. We became a close-knit familia.

The train ride home. I didn't know how attached I had been getting to this big city - that doesn't seem to be that big anymore. As the train left the station, I couldn't help but let my eyes well-up as I saw the big skyscrapers and bustling city move further and further from my reach. Even though I felt pretty alone here, sometimes the city would surprise me making me feel like it was keeping me company. This dream, this reality - it wasn't all perfect, fun, and dandy. It was hard work and realization that I needed to grow up. But, this internship taught me so much about myself and really was my little miracle. Both of the other interns got in through networks while I did it all by myself. In this industry, I could have never fathomed.

It's time to come home. And, as the editor said, "regroup".

Ah.. Dundas Square. This place I'll miss a lot - late nights coming from work, and bustling times filled with shoppers, performers, and events. This place always makes me feel like I'm doing something spectacular and that something out there is waiting for me...

Enjoy the holidays everyone! :)